This just in: George Kaplan is a transvestite expert. According to Kaplan:

Men who wear women’s clothes are not “shemales.” They are transvestites like Norman Bates in Psycho. So the guy who looks like John Maine in the ladies room is a transvestite.

Also, several Mets were named in the Mitchell report but none as hurtful as seeing the name MATT FRANCO among the damned. He was a Yankee killer and cousin of Snake Plissken. All hail Snake!

And remember to keep those emails coming to Badmets.com in support of the SAVE SHEA FOUNDATION! We don’t have much time left to save this historical shrine. Down with the FAT CATS who want our stadium turned into a bank!

George K.

My motto:

This just in. George Kaplan is not a shemale expert.

This just in. According to shemale expert George Kaplan, the tale of Maine and dress was true. Kaplan has been following this lead for months. In fact, due to many vices = no money, Kaplan was the one who leaked the story to Page Six. But just you wait: Auditions for Kaplan’s ballet, I First Laid Eyes on She-John in Bagel Oasis, start next week.

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The rumors were true. Paul LoDuca's x-girlfriend, Krista Guterman, is naked in playboy. and it's right here.

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Hollywood Tuna.com features an expose on Famous Mets Fan Hilary Swank.

So the government has told Darryl Strawberry he owes them $481,656.86 in back taxes.

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It was reported that Wally Backman had resigned as Manager of South Georgia Peanuts because two of his players were suspended by the league for testing positive for "masking agents." Backman was critical of both the league's policy and it's medical examiner. However, now the independent South Coast League has allowed Backman's reinstatement. I guess Wally changed his mind. Good for him.

Backman has lead his team to a first-half championship while being suspended three times, missing fourteen games.

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Cheesedick extraordinaire Scott Spiezio voluntarily entered a substance abuse program for a dependence on something not yet disclosed. Spiezio will not be reprimanded by MLB nor will he be denied his paycheck while he's on the restricted list.La Russa says Spiezio will certainly return this season. But lets pray the DTs snap him in half!

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Her t-shirt says it all. That’s a picture from Krista’s facebook page that sparked a forum thread on ign.com. Thread originator goes on to state: "She also appears in an album with other playmates while going on the Howard Stern show. In one picture she appears next to Reuben Droughs, I wonder if he hit the hole. I guess we will soon be able to see what Paul was tapping. This now means that Paul cheated on an ex-playmate for an up and coming playmate. Not too shabby huh? "

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The buzz overshadowing the trading deadline is the story of the diehard Mets fan who murdered his mother. Last Saturday, during the second game of the day-night double header at Shea, as the Mets were losing, Michael Anthony started to go bonkers. He was supposedly banging on walls and hollering when his father stepped in and told him to keep it down. Anthony then got a knife and stabbed his mother in the head; followed her into her bedroom and bashed her brains in with a 20 pound dumbbell. Anthony then sat on the couch and waited for the cops as the Mets continued to lose.

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The great Bill Robinson passed away today. He was only 64. He was found dead in his hotel room and the cause of death is unknown

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Looks like the Yankees are starting another losing skid. And they're crying about it. Interviewed in the club house after giving up 4 walks and a grand slam, Yankee reliever Edwar Ramirez buried his head and began weeping. Tears. Crying like a baby. A Yankee PR person interrupted and ended the interview.

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Playboy hosted an All-Star party in San Francisco for athletes, stars, and other bigwigs. Davey was there, and it looks like he had some fun. For your closer inspection, click here

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Bad Mets beat reporter Danielle “The Slacker” Sweet recently covered the Mets road trip in Houston, where she attended the 17 inning game, where Beltran made that magnificent catch.

Here is the rest of her photolog.

Happy Birthday Bill Robinson-- the best Mets First Base Coach EVER! Yo! The two-finger slap! And now First Base Coach Hojo's rockin it!

To hell and now Backman. Wally Backman is set to star in John Fitzgerald's new documentary/reality show, "Playing For Peanuts". Fitzgerald, who previously directed “The Emerald Diamond,” a documentary on the Irish national baseball team (?), lauds Backman as both a coach and a dedicated human being. The film, co-starring Cecil Fielder as a roaming hitting instructor, aims to clear Backman's honor. As Wally states: “They made me look like I was a drunken wife beater.”

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***UPDATE ON WALLY

Backman was suspended for 3 games for bumping an umpire. Go Wally go.

Michael Wayne's irreverent novel has been released today. Check out his website for more info and visit the site weekly for its trivia page for fun, games, and prizes. Or, buy the book right here

The Mets limp into Skankee Stadium, losers of nine of the last ten, ready for another Mets flop: the Great Fall into the Great Abyss of another disappointing season. And there's Clemens, ready to push--

And Desperation rears her ugly head....so this morning Bad Mets awoke and thought to summon Kali for all her voodoo support- but then reconsidered. It's too early in the season to summon the great deity, so lets go old school! Look inward for support-- look to the poets of the past:

Rafael Santana / is my name / playing shortstop is my game

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Michael Wayne has penned a humorous and irreverent novel coming out on June 15 entitled "The Knuckleball From Hell," with the subtitle being, "A Story of Life, Love, the New York Mets...and Everything in Between." It's a story about a fictional down-on-their-heel Mets team.

x check it out

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Lino Urdaneta, x-Mr. Infinity, got busted for a performance-enhancing substance.

"You look at it and go, 'What the fuck happened?',"Backman tells the Post

Due to overwhelming response, the SAVE SHEA FOUNDATION has decided to make public our demands to the Fat Cats who have hypnotized us into believing that we want a new stadium named after a bank to replace Shea Stadium, home of the New York Metropolitans and one of the greatest buildings ever conceived and constructed by humankind.

The SAVE SHEA FOUNDTION makes the following modest demands:

Jorge Reyes, a pitcher in the Mets minor league system, was nabbed for performing-enhancing substance(s) for the second time. He’s expelled for 100 days, and gets the life sentence if he’s caught one more time. Reyes is the first player to be busted twice under the new law.

Lino got some outs and has escaped infamy...

The return of Mr. Infinity! Today the Mets called up Lino Urdaneta. Will he escape the Infinite ERA club?

So is Frank Martinez-- that guy who blinded both Tim Hudson and Edgar Renteria with a super-power flashlight-- gonna throw out the first pitch at Shea May 12th—Keystone Flashlight Night?

Nah, he might be in the slammer—he got 15 days—and anyway, he’s banned from Mets home games for three years. He’ll never kiss Shea again.

ex-Met clubhouse employee Kirk Radomski, who worked for the Mets from 1985-95, today pleaded guilty to dispensing anabolic steroids, human growth hormone, Clenbuterol, amphetamines and other drugs to at least a dozen major league players. Players were named in the affidavit, but it's currently sealed. It is stated that Radomski started the drug trading in 1995, after leaving the Mets. Supposedly, checks were depoisted by Radomski signed by said players.

Hojo says he remembers Kirk; Darling claims he doesn't; and Jay Horwitz says equipment manager Charlie Samuels is not available for comment.

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I believe Gary Thorne has a law degree from some prestigious law school, and I know he tortured my ears for years as Mets broadcaster (and he currently has the least votes for Worst Mets Announcer Ever), and I'm certain his head was way way up his ass when he was chatting w/ Mirabelli about the Schilling sock controversy. Gary, how are you such as moron but still continue to find employment in the broadcasting industry?

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For picking up convicted Samurai slayer Zachary Gibian; driving him to a near by mall to dispose of the bloody accoutrements; T.J Harrelson, Bud Harrelson's son, today received 5 years probation and 420 hours of community service (420? - a vindictive ironic warning by State Supreme Court Justice Robert W. Doyle-- Judge, hast thou stabbed T.J.-- who's been riddled for years by drug abuse-- w/ a mocking sentencing? Beware of the gateway drug....

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I'm Keith Hernandez, the brilliant satirical film by Rob Perri, will be screened this Thursday, March 29, at the New York Underground Film Festival, which is being held at the Anthology FIlm Archives on 2nd and 2nd. A repeat showing will take place on April 2nd. This film is a masterpiece-- make sure you attend this exclusive viewing.

Famous Mets Fan Neil Hagerty will be performing w/ the Howling Hex on St. Patricks Day at Pianos, located at located at 158 Ludlow at Stanton.

Seeing as Scorsese finally received due recognition this awards season; and seeing as Jimmy Two Times in "Goodfellas" is Bad Mets favorite Scorsese character ever (in fact, Bad Mets even named his-or-her car after the double babbling gumba); today's New York Times blurb on the new Dominican sensation the Mets scouted yesterday aroused much interest. He's 16 years old and his name is Josè Josè. Josè Josè is highly touted by the Mets and is scheduled to be scouted by others, including the dreaded Yankees. Make your move now Omar-- Queens needs Josè Josè!

Today in 1962 Darryl Starwberry was born.

Happy Birthday Darryl!!!

Go Terrapins!

March Madness! D.J. Strawberry's going wild for the University of Maryland, and Darryl Strawberry was spotted at a bar in D.C.

"When we asked Strawberry — who played for both the Mets and the Yankees — which baseball team he prefers, he admitted that his first loyalties will always lie with the Mets."

x check it out (after link, scroll down for blurb)

x comments and perm link

Newsday - 'Fine Behind The Fence'

Zachory Gibian discusses his adjustment to prision with a reporter who visited him at the Downstate Correctional Facility in Fishkill.

Here's a look at the day in the life of a Zach:

6:30 a.m.: An officer on Gibian's tier wakes him up. Gibian brushes his teeth, washes his face and has a cigarette.

7 a.m.: The first "count" of the day. He must be wearing prison greens as an officer checks in on him.

About 7:15 a.m.: The first "chow" of the day. He has 15 minutes to stand on line, get his food, and swallow it. Breakfast usually consists of grits, egg beaters, cornmeal or cereal and four slices of bread or waffles. "Egg beaters are -- ing disgusting, but I haven't had eggs in two years," Gibian said. "So eggs, even if they're egg beaters, are -- amazing."

Clem Labine died yesterday in Vero Beach, Florida. He was 80.

Labine pitched for the '62 Mets-- he pitched in 3 games, 4 innings, and gave up 5 runs. He was cut in May, and retired. Labine had his best season w/ the Brooklyn Dodgers in '55: 13 - 5, 3.24 era.

Lino Urdaneta, Mr. Infinity, pitched the ninth today and allowed no runs, no hits, no walks-- 1-2-3-- struck out 2, and recorded a save. Lino's going wild! 2 innings this spring-- and zilch!

(Somebody please buy me a Mets jersey-- classic pinstripes-- with Urdaneta on the back and ∞ for the number).

This guy's gonna pitch in the big's this year, sooner or later. If he's traded before taking the mound for the Mets, and pitches for another, well, then, it goes w/out saying: bad mets hopes he never overcomes ERA unboundedness. but say he pitches for the Mets this season-- and someone was kind enough to purchase for me that jersey-- well, then, i'll have to get back to ya.

Today's NY Times has an article on Lino Urdaneta, a 27-year-old w/ a 98 mph fastball who is a long shot to make the Mets roster. Urdaneta has been a career minor leaguer, save for the cup of coffee he had with the Tigers in 2004. And what a bitter cup it was: He appeared in one game, retired no one, and gave up 6 runs -- Lino has an ERA of ∞

The Times reports that only 19 other pitchers have been stained w/ this stat... we love you Lino....

UPDATE: Lino pitched a 1-2-3 inning today in the Mets exhibition opener! Take that Infinity!

Back to the Spring Training Future -- Lela plays for the Mets!

"Kuff and the Buttheads is 46 years old and lives in a hut on a small beach along the Mediteranean Sea. In the morning he fishes, in the afternoon he naps, and in the evening when the moon begins its crawl higher and higher into the night sky he lays down to sleep alongside his beautiful wife Francesca."

and check out their folk masterpiece: "Endy Chavez"

and the rest of their music mets madness

Dwight Gooden has declined the offer made by George Steinbrenner to work for the Yankees as a special instructor for Spring Training. According to an unnamed source asssociated with Gooden and the Yankees: "Dwight just isn't ready yet to be here. When you've spent that much time in prison, you're not prepared to simply jump back into uniform and let people stare at you for all the wrong reasons."

Rumor has it that the Mets have handed Edgardo Alfonzo his walking papers.

Cliff Floyd signed a one year 3 million dollar contract to play for his hometown Chicago Cubs next season.

Good Luck Cliff! We'll miss you!

Ryan Leli, an 18 year old Mets fan, created a phony press pass and gained entrance to the visiting players clubhouse of Shea Stadium, where he briefly interviewed and posed for a picture with Mike Piazza. A few weeks later he tried it again but was apprehended. Leli was charged w/ criminal impersonation and criminal trespassing-- amongst of bevy of similar charges-- and pleaded guilty yesterday to a lesser charge, second-degree criminal impersonation, with a sentence of banishment from Mets home games for the next three years.

Zachory Gibian, Bud Harrelson's son's best friend, was just handed a 25 years-to-life sentencing for nearly decapitating his step-dad w/ a samuri sword.

And now prosecutors are expected to press charges against Zach's momma for attempting to cover up the crime by calling 911 hours after the murder, claiming that her husband was murdered during a botched burgulary attempt.

All hail Martin Luther King. In his honor, here are African American Mets firsts:

AB: Charlie Neal

Hit: Charlie Neal

Run Scored: Charlie Neal

Homerun: Charlie Neal

Win: Al Jackson

Loss: Al Jackson

Manage: Willie Randolph

Mo Vaughn, leading vote getter for Worst Mets 1B, is in the process of purchasing the dilapidated Noble Drew Ali Plaza on New Lots Avenue in Brownsville, Brooklyn. Vaughn aims to restore the housing complex that has been run down by drugs, crime, roaches, faulty heating and water. Mo, as quoted in the NY Post: "Generations of people have been living like this. It's a horrible set of living standards. We're trying to fix that."

Roy Trakin is a pop culture critic, pop and rock music aficionado, published author and online talk show host, not to mention diehard Mets/Knicks/Jets fan... Trakin was also briefly the lead singer in the New York-based punk-rock group The Geeks, who played at CBGBs, broke up shortly after the Sex Pistols and have influenced everyone from the Plasmatics to the Beastie Boys and Marilyn Manson. During the influential mid-to-late ‘70s in New York, he served faithfully as Minister of Information for Marty Thau’s historic Red Star Records, where he took it to the street, doing guerilla marketing and publicity for the likes of Suicide, the Fleshtones, Real Kids and others.

read complete bio....

what bad mets didnt get for xmas: barry zito

what bad mets did get for xmas: a bukowski sweatshirt, a big lebowski bowling shirt, and steak