Lo and behold, the great Darryl has returned just in time to rescue baseball from its age of infamous greed and schlock narcissism. Oh yes, in his new autobiography, "Straw: Finding My Way," Darryl explores moral ethics, tales from the road, and yes, the truth about beer: "We hauled around more Bud than the Clydesdales. The beer was just to get the party started and maybe take the edge off the speed and coke."

Maxim lists the top 5 greatest scumbags in baseball history-- and the 1986 Mets come in at 4. Hooray!

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Bad Mets would like to send speedy recovery wishes to Jason Giambi. The great Giambino, not starting tonite at The Stadium against the Tampa Bay Devils, somehow injured his groin yesterday. The Wicked Web told us that he's available to pinch hit tonight and should start tomorrow. Phew. Cuz with a glove and without the 'roids, his persistent piss-poor performance (he's currently batting .083) is gonna be a blast!

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Let's take a look at Mike Wallace: He was born in 1918 (he's fuckin 89 years old) and is a Yankee fan and a personal friend of Clemens. His 60 Minutes interview with Clemens will take place Sunday night. We hear that incase Wallace can't make it due to one of the many old man ailments that may arise, Clemens will get his mom to do the interview.

This is such a crock of shit. This is like George Kaplan having Ru Paul interview him to clear his good name. Let's be real. What is needed for truth to prevail in this interview with Clemens is the following: A steel cage, Joe Beningo, Mad Dog Russo, and a jar of greenies.

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George Kaplan was right. Back to the Mitchell report. Clemens denies it. What a sore loser. Petite. What a bitch. Lies like a Christian.

First and fuckin foremost, in defense of Dykstra and 86, he wasnt juicing until after that season. So every other name on the list is meaningless: no rings = innocent. So Chuck. So Rog. So Andy. Go fuck yourselves. And you owe Kaplan an apology. George, as some of us may know, is a recovering roid addict. (Ah, the pains and pleasures of Jamaica lacrosse with Flug and Toy and coke fiend May...)

And what the fucks up with The Save Shea Stadium Foundation? Nobody ain't pledged shit! And anyway-- Kaplan's in the hole for 3 large on a double reverse teaser on Dykstra, Payton, Pratt, and Valentine being Mitchelled. Somebody please send us loot!

It was reported that Wally Backman had resigned as Manager of South Georgia Peanuts because two of his players were suspended by the league for testing positive for "masking agents." Backman was critical of both the league's policy and it's medical examiner. However, now the independent South Coast League has allowed Backman's reinstatement. I guess Wally changed his mind. Good for him.

Backman has lead his team to a first-half championship while being suspended three times, missing fourteen games.

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Cheesedick extraordinaire Scott Spiezio voluntarily entered a substance abuse program for a dependence on something not yet disclosed. Spiezio will not be reprimanded by MLB nor will he be denied his paycheck while he's on the restricted list.La Russa says Spiezio will certainly return this season. But lets pray the DTs snap him in half!

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Lino Urdaneta, x-Mr. Infinity, got busted for a performance-enhancing substance.

Jorge Reyes, a pitcher in the Mets minor league system, was nabbed for performing-enhancing substance(s) for the second time. He’s expelled for 100 days, and gets the life sentence if he’s caught one more time. Reyes is the first player to be busted twice under the new law.

ex-Met clubhouse employee Kirk Radomski, who worked for the Mets from 1985-95, today pleaded guilty to dispensing anabolic steroids, human growth hormone, Clenbuterol, amphetamines and other drugs to at least a dozen major league players. Players were named in the affidavit, but it's currently sealed. It is stated that Radomski started the drug trading in 1995, after leaving the Mets. Supposedly, checks were depoisted by Radomski signed by said players.

Hojo says he remembers Kirk; Darling claims he doesn't; and Jay Horwitz says equipment manager Charlie Samuels is not available for comment.

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For picking up convicted Samurai slayer Zachary Gibian; driving him to a near by mall to dispose of the bloody accoutrements; T.J Harrelson, Bud Harrelson's son, today received 5 years probation and 420 hours of community service (420? - a vindictive ironic warning by State Supreme Court Justice Robert W. Doyle-- Judge, hast thou stabbed T.J.-- who's been riddled for years by drug abuse-- w/ a mocking sentencing? Beware of the gateway drug....

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Today, Thursday, the 9th day of November, in the year 2006 of Your Lord, Dwight Gooden is to be released from Gainesville Correctional Institution in Tampa, Florida. By this evening, Gooden will no longer be confined to a cell, a prison number -- No. T47272 (how could they not put sixteen in there somewhere?) -- and will be given back his human rights. Welcome back to civilization, Dwight.

No wonder Willie kept calling on Mota in the playoffs-- he was juiced! Guillermo Mota has been suspended 50 games by MLB for testing positive for steroids.

click here for the Mets and their adventures w/ roids

Timothy Haines, a pitcher for the Cyclones, was suspended for 50 games for testing positive for a performance-enhancing substance.

ex-Met David Segui says he was one of the players named by Jason Grimsley. Segui admits he used HGH, but legally, with a doctor's prescription because of a growth hormone deficiency.

"I look back at '86 and I remember when that season was over, that's when I first got started with cocaine," he said. "Now here we are 20 years later, the team is celebrating that year and I'm in prison because of cocaine. It's a sad story, really." read more quotes as reported by the ny post.

Japanese import minor league (he's on he 40 man roster) pitcher Yusaku Iriki was suspended for 50 games for testing + for steroids, making him the first player to be hammered by MLB's new steroid rules.

Mets single A Hagerstown Suns' Jorge Reyes gets busted for steroids.

The Orlando Sentinel has a story on Charisse Strawberry and how she dealt with Darryl Strawberry's drug addictions, womanizing, and self destructive path.

Waner Mateo, a pitcher for the Mets Single A minor league Hagerstown Suns, tested positive for steroids and has been suspended for 50 games.

Dwight Gooden gets 1 year and 1 day in prison for his cocaine slip.

Dwight Gooden confessed to his probation officer that he had a relapse with cocaine. A drug test confirmed this and Gooden was sent to jail without bond.

x-Met Matt Lawton has been suspended for 10 ganes starting opening day for testing positive for steroids. Like a man, as quoted by AP, Matt confessed: "I made a terrible and foolish mistake that I will regret for the rest of my life. I take full responsibility for my actions and did not appeal my suspension. I apologize to the fans, the game, my family and all those people that I let down. I am truly sorry and deeply regret my terrible lapse in judgment."

Felix Heredia just got busted for steroids. after being traded from the Yankees (steroid central), Heredia appeared in only 3 games for the Mets before going on DL w/ an aneurysm in his left shoulder. i blame giambi. and a-roid.

This past weekend Sid Rosenberg went to Atlantic City to promote FHM magazine-- the pressure was too much ... gambling ... women ... crack cocaine ... he cracked and missed his Giants pregame show and WFAN cut him loose.