So I just got out of my car, had the light, was crossing 3rd avenue and a taxi was idle in the crosswalk. As I circumvented the obstruction, I banged my steel fist on the trunk as my steel eyes watched driver and passenger flinch. Yesterday I thought about strangling my cats because I couldn't find a sweatshirt I was in need of. Day three: will this irritability get the best of me? Game six: Hopefully Pedro gets the best of the Skankees! Go Pedro GO!

day 2 and i just cant stop thinking: there's no light at the end of the tunnel

Oh what a lovely show last evening! And what a crowd! Our leaders' wives ... Adolf Giuliani .... crippled war heroes ... everyone important under the sun save for that anti-semite Irish tenor. Well everyone was there for a little while, until the temperature continued to dip and the rain began to reappear, chilling the rich bones and dampening the dead fur. But what a thrill! Cliff Lee DOMINATING! A-Roid swinging like a handkerchief in the wind! More! We want more! Get some tonight PEDRO! GET SOME!!!!!!

1st Base- Adam Dunn "In Your Bun"

2nd Base - Blake Dewitt "In Your Shit"

Short Stop - Michael Young "On Your Tongue"

3rd Base - Aubrey Huff "In Your Muff"

Outfield - Jay Bruce "In Your Caboose"

Outfield - Nate McClouth "In Your Mouth"

Outfield - Jermain Dye "In Your Eye"

Outfield - Jack Cust "On Your Bust"

Catcher - Paul Bako "In Your Tuna Taco"

Pitcher - Brian Bass "In Your Ass"

So, it comes to this. I know it has happened before but I can't recall my reaction-- and lapse of recall is not due, I believe, to my wretched case of short-term memory loss induced by college and life's other horrors, but rather my carefree insistence on living for the moment-- the NOW! Carpe Diem! Dream as if you'll live forever-- Live as if you'll die today ... Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... Draft beer, not people. Where were we? Right, the Phillies vs. the Yankees. Yes, unfortunately it's true: this weekend I will be actually rooting for the Phillies. Ugh. But I suppose beside career ending injuries, utter embarrassment, and total failure, I wont be rooting for much. Just those unfortunates and loooooong games that will tax both bullpens, with winning runs scoring on physical errors, mental miscues, and perhaps a forfeit or two due to PED syringes popping out of pockets deep into the night . And anyway, seeing as the Mets will be SWEPT by the Sox-- thus making this season unoffically offically over-- this will feed our undying need for Yankee failure. Please forgive us Mr. Met, but lets go Phillie Fanatic!

Citi Field turned me into an obnoxious drunk (on a mere four fancy beers) and had me bellowing over my portion of the ribs and pulled-pork sandwich I shared w/ my girlfriend (pulled-pork? what? pull this pork-- give me those fuckin ribs!!!). The rotunda? A mall. The rest? As Kaplan put it, it's like the best minor league stadium EVER. The recreation of Hell Gate was nice, but part of me wished they also recreated the treacherously murky waters below that gave the original bridge it's name-- for, though I'm already half a septuagenarian, I finally realized my childhood is over and the plunge would have been tempting. So I've decided to never return to the new Shea and will now for whatever reason only monitor baseball via the radio. That, and enter a strat-o-matic and D&D tournament as soon as possible.

Dear Jerry,

Santos? From the bullpen? With 2 outs in the ninth? Why? Because it was his birthday? Howie Rose called your move "River Boat Gambling," which is spot on. And now I'm truly starting to believe the words of wisdom uttered from the lips of the King of Astoria the day the Mets fired Willie and hired Manuel: "It's like dumping Mary Kate Olsen because she's too skinny and then proposing to Ashley." Speaking of

Without further delay (Teegee never came through; so we hired his much more competent and reliable brother JohnnyDee)-- voila-- Julia Stiles on opening day at Citi Field! WE LOVE YOU JULIA! Click here to see the complete spread. Marvelous work Johnny, tell your brother we all know he's a hack at photography, soccer, drum playing, cooking, love making, and child rearing.

Watch Golden Boy get picked off! Watch Golden Boy jump over catcher and get nailed at the plate! Watch Golden Boy impersonate Johnny Damon with his spaghetti arm! Watch Golden Boy misplay a line drive that leads to a loss. Again! Golden Boy: he may be hitting .320 but he's fuckin everything else up!

So Doc Gooden rightfully tags up a wall in Ebbets Club at Citifield and the Mets are pissed-- Jay Horowitz says it'll be erased. This is gross. What if Seaver wrote: 'Ooh rah!-- USMC' or Bacne Piazza wrote: 'I'm not gay' ... Poetry. For the ages ... (Still waiting for Teegee's prints ...)

Jesus, Mary and Jose Reyes! The WSJ beat Teegee (my European Weegee) to the punch! Can you beat this photo Teegee? Let's hope so. Anyway, Julia writes a wonderful article detailing her experience on opening day at Citifield. Also, here's a link to her blog that is succulently saturated w/ Metsie observations and memories. We love you Julia-- and Hurry up TeeGee-- get me those prints--

Bad Mets commissioned a European photographer to capture Famous Mets Fan Julie Stiles watching the game on opening day at Citifield! Success! Pictures are being developed (my European Weegee doesnt believe in digital technology) and will be posted and reposted once obtained! (Note: All images are copyrighted and are the sole property of badmets.com and the T in ATJ. Permission to use/copy/recreate images is strictly prohibited and results in slow death.)

Daniel "Golden Boy" Murphy's blunder-- spoiling Johan's stellar outing-- didn't cost the Mets the game last night; Fred Coupon did. Let's be real: The Met's brass has blown up Murphy as this CANT miss hitting-machine to hide the fact that Fred Coupon, after taking it in the ass from his buddy Madoff, was too cheap to fork over serious clams for Manny. So Fred cuts some more coupons, gets us Sheffield, and everyone continues to rave about Murphy's bat. What about his glove? What about his bullshit minor league stats? Where's Timo Perez at? Why not just hype that motherfucker back up and platoon him with Tatis? So, unfortunately for Murphy, who should be in Buffalo learning a position, perfectly his sweet swing, eating wings and fucking fat chicks, I will blame all my mortal ills on his head. The end.

top 1st

delgado goes ddddeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepppppp!

captain keith tells us: reyes vegas odds over/under for triples is 18 1/2! citifield nooks and crannys! Kaplan! call my bookie!

2-nil

bottom 1st

big pelf gettin dwarfed

delgado! WBC bullshit! Carlos cant catch routine dp relay from reyes. carlos missed reps!

update: Way to go Omar! Thanks Fred Coupon!

Pick the motherfucker up! News flash: Daniel Murphy is NOT a hitting machine; Ryan Church has NEVER consistently hit left-handers; and the lineup has too many left-handed bats. Besides being a proven, right-handed slugger, the bastard has something else this team needs-- SWAGGER! Undisciplined pizzazz! Cockiness! Fuck this pack of immature (Reyes) god-fearing (Tatis) apple-pied (Wright) socialists (Delgado)-- get us a guy with an attitude! SIGN GARY SHEFFIELD!

Brian Cashmen's been outed in the new book, The Rocket That Fell to Earth. Though the book focuses on the horrors that Roger Clemens personally inflicted on the innocence of our entire nation, other Yankee injustices are exposed. In the book an unnamed former Yankee claims Cashman, while watching Giambi mired in an horrible batting slump on the clubhouse TV, yelled the following: “Jason, whatever you were taking in Oakland, get back on it. Please!” Of Course, Cashmen denies everything.

And, finally, we've discovered a clue as to why Bernie Williams, though retired, still cannot find any time to repair his hacked website fan forum: he's been too busy beating on women. Most recently: in a nightclub in San Juan, after a devoted fan of the female persuasion snapped a picture of Bernie, the great national icon smashed her camera and then popped her in the face. Bernie is now on the lam in the U.S. hiding behind his team at the WBC.

Yes it's true, i'm of Irish decent, and yes it's also true that i drink a lot, but why does it seems like i'm the only fool NOT drunk on Daniel Murphy? I read today that Manuel is considering giving Murphy full-time status and platooning God-Boy Tatis and Church. What's worse are the idiots who want Murphy to start at second. Sober up NYC! Murphy aint Bob and he cant play second, left, third or wherever. He's not a "hitting machine" and come July he'll be in Buffalo eating wings and fucking fat chicks. Now get me a keg, some caviar, a grapefruit, and fuckin Manny Ramirez.

Doc Gooden holds the record for hitting the most home runs as a pitcher at Shea. Retire his number already you racist pigs!

Jesus Christ the Mets blow. The only team they can beat are the Yankees. Fire Willie. Cut loose Omar. Shoot Delgado in his head. Quarter Castillo. Gas Heilman. Send Reyes to obedience school. Trade Beltran. Put Alou in a wheelchair and roll him off the Brooklyn Bridge. Let's face it-- this season is OVER-- so let's try and enjoy it-- bring up Tobi Stoner-- the blazing star for the A ball St. Lucie Mets! The Mets have already hit rock bottom so there's no time like the present to get high!

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Maxim lists the top 5 greatest scumbags in baseball history-- and the 1986 Mets come in at 4. Hooray!

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When Carlos Delgado smacked his second homer of the day yesterday, the temperamental Mets fans in attendance burst into cheer. Delgado took his prideful stroll around the bases and returned to a dugout stirring w/ pleased comrades. The two-faced fan fuckers were now reaching celebratory rage: hollering and hooting, demanding a curtain call. Delgado never left the dugout.

Exclusive Photo : George Kaplan sneaks behind-the-scene and captures the FIRST EVER photograph of Citi Field!

WTF: On TBS this afternoon, Ron Darling did the color commentary for the Braves game with Braves announcer Southern Joe Hillbilly. Does he do this on the regular? Ronnie, baby, what the fuck?!?!?!??!?!?

Update: Three weeks into the season and Jason Giambi continues to tickle our funny bone: he's batting .109 (George Kaplan's average blood alcohol content is higher than that)

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Week 3. Still no lead. Casting for George Kaplan's ballet continues. BadMets inquired about the delay and Kaplan sent us the following email: "Listen. Casting's been a bitch. Creative confusion has lead to bills up the wazoo. Time is Monet. And so are them tutus, chi-chis, ... and them whatayacallits-- blam blams. Sheeeeeiiit. You know me: I ain't no shemale expert."

Hollywood Tuna.com features an expose on Famous Mets Fan Hilary Swank.

The great Bill Robinson passed away today. He was only 64. He was found dead in his hotel room and the cause of death is unknown

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Looks like the Yankees are starting another losing skid. And they're crying about it. Interviewed in the club house after giving up 4 walks and a grand slam, Yankee reliever Edwar Ramirez buried his head and began weeping. Tears. Crying like a baby. A Yankee PR person interrupted and ended the interview.

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Playboy hosted an All-Star party in San Francisco for athletes, stars, and other bigwigs. Davey was there, and it looks like he had some fun. For your closer inspection, click here

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Bad Mets beat reporter Danielle “The Slacker” Sweet recently covered the Mets road trip in Houston, where she attended the 17 inning game, where Beltran made that magnificent catch.

Here is the rest of her photolog.

Happy Birthday Bill Robinson-- the best Mets First Base Coach EVER! Yo! The two-finger slap! And now First Base Coach Hojo's rockin it!

To hell and now Backman. Wally Backman is set to star in John Fitzgerald's new documentary/reality show, "Playing For Peanuts". Fitzgerald, who previously directed “The Emerald Diamond,” a documentary on the Irish national baseball team (?), lauds Backman as both a coach and a dedicated human being. The film, co-starring Cecil Fielder as a roaming hitting instructor, aims to clear Backman's honor. As Wally states: “They made me look like I was a drunken wife beater.”

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***UPDATE ON WALLY

Backman was suspended for 3 games for bumping an umpire. Go Wally go.

Michael Wayne's irreverent novel has been released today. Check out his website for more info and visit the site weekly for its trivia page for fun, games, and prizes. Or, buy the book right here

The Mets limp into Skankee Stadium, losers of nine of the last ten, ready for another Mets flop: the Great Fall into the Great Abyss of another disappointing season. And there's Clemens, ready to push--

And Desperation rears her ugly head....so this morning Bad Mets awoke and thought to summon Kali for all her voodoo support- but then reconsidered. It's too early in the season to summon the great deity, so lets go old school! Look inward for support-- look to the poets of the past:

Rafael Santana / is my name / playing shortstop is my game

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Michael Wayne has penned a humorous and irreverent novel coming out on June 15 entitled "The Knuckleball From Hell," with the subtitle being, "A Story of Life, Love, the New York Mets...and Everything in Between." It's a story about a fictional down-on-their-heel Mets team.

x check it out

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"You look at it and go, 'What the fuck happened?',"Backman tells the Post

Due to overwhelming response, the SAVE SHEA FOUNDATION has decided to make public our demands to the Fat Cats who have hypnotized us into believing that we want a new stadium named after a bank to replace Shea Stadium, home of the New York Metropolitans and one of the greatest buildings ever conceived and constructed by humankind.

The SAVE SHEA FOUNDTION makes the following modest demands:

Lino got some outs and has escaped infamy...

The return of Mr. Infinity! Today the Mets called up Lino Urdaneta. Will he escape the Infinite ERA club?

So is Frank Martinez-- that guy who blinded both Tim Hudson and Edgar Renteria with a super-power flashlight-- gonna throw out the first pitch at Shea May 12th—Keystone Flashlight Night?

Nah, he might be in the slammer—he got 15 days—and anyway, he’s banned from Mets home games for three years. He’ll never kiss Shea again.

I believe Gary Thorne has a law degree from some prestigious law school, and I know he tortured my ears for years as Mets broadcaster (and he currently has the least votes for Worst Mets Announcer Ever), and I'm certain his head was way way up his ass when he was chatting w/ Mirabelli about the Schilling sock controversy. Gary, how are you such as moron but still continue to find employment in the broadcasting industry?

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I'm Keith Hernandez, the brilliant satirical film by Rob Perri, will be screened this Thursday, March 29, at the New York Underground Film Festival, which is being held at the Anthology FIlm Archives on 2nd and 2nd. A repeat showing will take place on April 2nd. This film is a masterpiece-- make sure you attend this exclusive viewing.

Famous Mets Fan Neil Hagerty will be performing w/ the Howling Hex on St. Patricks Day at Pianos, located at located at 158 Ludlow at Stanton.

Seeing as Scorsese finally received due recognition this awards season; and seeing as Jimmy Two Times in "Goodfellas" is Bad Mets favorite Scorsese character ever (in fact, Bad Mets even named his-or-her car after the double babbling gumba); today's New York Times blurb on the new Dominican sensation the Mets scouted yesterday aroused much interest. He's 16 years old and his name is Josè Josè. Josè Josè is highly touted by the Mets and is scheduled to be scouted by others, including the dreaded Yankees. Make your move now Omar-- Queens needs Josè Josè!

Today in 1962 Darryl Starwberry was born.

Happy Birthday Darryl!!!

Go Terrapins!

March Madness! D.J. Strawberry's going wild for the University of Maryland, and Darryl Strawberry was spotted at a bar in D.C.

"When we asked Strawberry — who played for both the Mets and the Yankees — which baseball team he prefers, he admitted that his first loyalties will always lie with the Mets."

x check it out (after link, scroll down for blurb)

x comments and perm link

Newsday - 'Fine Behind The Fence'

Zachory Gibian discusses his adjustment to prision with a reporter who visited him at the Downstate Correctional Facility in Fishkill.

Here's a look at the day in the life of a Zach:

6:30 a.m.: An officer on Gibian's tier wakes him up. Gibian brushes his teeth, washes his face and has a cigarette.

7 a.m.: The first "count" of the day. He must be wearing prison greens as an officer checks in on him.

About 7:15 a.m.: The first "chow" of the day. He has 15 minutes to stand on line, get his food, and swallow it. Breakfast usually consists of grits, egg beaters, cornmeal or cereal and four slices of bread or waffles. "Egg beaters are -- ing disgusting, but I haven't had eggs in two years," Gibian said. "So eggs, even if they're egg beaters, are -- amazing."

Lino Urdaneta, Mr. Infinity, pitched the ninth today and allowed no runs, no hits, no walks-- 1-2-3-- struck out 2, and recorded a save. Lino's going wild! 2 innings this spring-- and zilch!

(Somebody please buy me a Mets jersey-- classic pinstripes-- with Urdaneta on the back and ∞ for the number).

This guy's gonna pitch in the big's this year, sooner or later. If he's traded before taking the mound for the Mets, and pitches for another, well, then, it goes w/out saying: bad mets hopes he never overcomes ERA unboundedness. but say he pitches for the Mets this season-- and someone was kind enough to purchase for me that jersey-- well, then, i'll have to get back to ya.

Today's NY Times has an article on Lino Urdaneta, a 27-year-old w/ a 98 mph fastball who is a long shot to make the Mets roster. Urdaneta has been a career minor leaguer, save for the cup of coffee he had with the Tigers in 2004. And what a bitter cup it was: He appeared in one game, retired no one, and gave up 6 runs -- Lino has an ERA of ∞

The Times reports that only 19 other pitchers have been stained w/ this stat... we love you Lino....

UPDATE: Lino pitched a 1-2-3 inning today in the Mets exhibition opener! Take that Infinity!

Back to the Spring Training Future -- Lela plays for the Mets!

"Kuff and the Buttheads is 46 years old and lives in a hut on a small beach along the Mediteranean Sea. In the morning he fishes, in the afternoon he naps, and in the evening when the moon begins its crawl higher and higher into the night sky he lays down to sleep alongside his beautiful wife Francesca."

and check out their folk masterpiece: "Endy Chavez"

and the rest of their music mets madness

Dwight Gooden has declined the offer made by George Steinbrenner to work for the Yankees as a special instructor for Spring Training. According to an unnamed source asssociated with Gooden and the Yankees: "Dwight just isn't ready yet to be here. When you've spent that much time in prison, you're not prepared to simply jump back into uniform and let people stare at you for all the wrong reasons."

Rumor has it that the Mets have handed Edgardo Alfonzo his walking papers.

Ryan Leli, an 18 year old Mets fan, created a phony press pass and gained entrance to the visiting players clubhouse of Shea Stadium, where he briefly interviewed and posed for a picture with Mike Piazza. A few weeks later he tried it again but was apprehended. Leli was charged w/ criminal impersonation and criminal trespassing-- amongst of bevy of similar charges-- and pleaded guilty yesterday to a lesser charge, second-degree criminal impersonation, with a sentence of banishment from Mets home games for the next three years.

Zachory Gibian, Bud Harrelson's son's best friend, was just handed a 25 years-to-life sentencing for nearly decapitating his step-dad w/ a samuri sword.

And now prosecutors are expected to press charges against Zach's momma for attempting to cover up the crime by calling 911 hours after the murder, claiming that her husband was murdered during a botched burgulary attempt.

All hail Martin Luther King. In his honor, here are African American Mets firsts:

AB: Charlie Neal

Hit: Charlie Neal

Run Scored: Charlie Neal

Homerun: Charlie Neal

Win: Al Jackson

Loss: Al Jackson

Manage: Willie Randolph

Mo Vaughn, leading vote getter for Worst Mets 1B, is in the process of purchasing the dilapidated Noble Drew Ali Plaza on New Lots Avenue in Brownsville, Brooklyn. Vaughn aims to restore the housing complex that has been run down by drugs, crime, roaches, faulty heating and water. Mo, as quoted in the NY Post: "Generations of people have been living like this. It's a horrible set of living standards. We're trying to fix that."

Roy Trakin is a pop culture critic, pop and rock music aficionado, published author and online talk show host, not to mention diehard Mets/Knicks/Jets fan... Trakin was also briefly the lead singer in the New York-based punk-rock group The Geeks, who played at CBGBs, broke up shortly after the Sex Pistols and have influenced everyone from the Plasmatics to the Beastie Boys and Marilyn Manson. During the influential mid-to-late ‘70s in New York, he served faithfully as Minister of Information for Marty Thau’s historic Red Star Records, where he took it to the street, doing guerilla marketing and publicity for the likes of Suicide, the Fleshtones, Real Kids and others.

read complete bio....

bernie william's website fan forum is still hacked-- and the Turkish music has returned! what's takin so long for the repairs, bernie (it's be down for over 3 month)? well, this story intrigued badmets greatly so the day the story broke we hired a private investigator to trace bernie's every move. a brief summary of the private investigator's report follows:

get on the bus or put the kids in the car or do whatever ya gotta do cuz today your gonna go to long island to Matt Guiliano's Play Like a Pro Baseball Facility where darryl strawberry will be conducting a clinic and you will casually go up to darryl and charmingly convince him to sign the love letter to bill buckner and while you're there congratulate Darryl on his up coming role as a cancer patient in a film based on Ray Negron’s children's book Boy of Steel and tell him how proud you are of both him and his son, D.J., who is making a name for himself as a point guard for the University of Maryland basketball team.

911’s a joke—but Chuck aint—he’s a Mets fan. Word. Born and raised in Roosevelt, Strong Island, Carlton Douglas Ridenhour became Chuck D and teamed w/ Flavor Flav, Professor Griff, and Terminator X to form Public Enemy— a searing political thorn in the ass of white America. PE is now defunct, but Chuck still assaults American hypocrisy with songs like ‘Bin Laden’ (2002), and a meditation on the Katrina nightmare, 'Hell No We Ain't All Right!’ (2005).

Chuck’ s now also throwin around his intellect weight on the World Wide Web. He’s testified before Congress in favor of peer-to-peer MP3 sharing; and he's also the backbone of the megasite rapstation.com – The Revolution will not be Televised, it will be Digitized. Break free from the Matrix. The new music industry is here! – that offers commentary, interviews, free MP3 and ringtone downloads, and information for the people .

Today Zachory Gibian took the witness stand and told the court his mom did it-- it being the near decapitation by samuri sword of Scott Nager, the husband, the step-dad, the retired NYPD cop. According to Zach's testimony, Nagar made a habit of forcing Zack to suck him off while they flipped thru porno mags. The night before the grisly slaying, Zach's mom caught her husband in her son's room w/ his gun pressed up against Zach's head.

Zach must have been itching for his step-dad to just pull the trigger. End it. Please. "He would laugh at me and tell me I had no rule over him. If I ever told on him, he would kill me and my mother. He told me no one would believe me."

badmets believes you Zach. and riot will prevail if both you and moms aint found innocent.

I've recently begun my reentrance into the normal social word: that is, the dark existence of life w/out Mets. Wow. Two nites in a row! Nite one: I went to see the new Scorcese film The Departed-- and holy macaroni-- about 10 minutes into the film-- there's Famous Mets Fan George Kaplan-- in a scene w/ both Matt Damon and Jack Nicholson. I was flabbergasted. Amazing. Well done George. Nite two: Out drinking in Williamsburg at The Brooklyn Ale House, and across the street is closed off-- movie set for P.S., I Love You-- starring Famous Mets Fan Hilary Swank. Party! Pitchersncatchers is only 4 months away!

Today, Thursday, the 9th day of November, in the year 2006 of Your Lord, Dwight Gooden is to be released from Gainesville Correctional Institution in Tampa, Florida. By this evening, Gooden will no longer be confined to a cell, a prison number -- No. T47272 (how could they not put sixteen in there somewhere?) -- and will be given back his human rights. Welcome back to civilization, Dwight.

I learned that Matt Dillon is a Met fan, and Alex Rodriguez went 1 for 14 as the Yankees acted like stuck pigs at a Tiger feeding.

What a loss! Man, what style! And I knew it—the offense and the bullpen would be the reason the Mets would lose, not the stalwart starting pitching (anchored by Glavine, a shoe-in HOF, and two future HOF’s – Maine and O. Perez). And, honestly, I’m glad its over…. I’m weak…. The tension was too tight, and my feeble attempt to loosen it's suffocating grip with alcohol-- and lots of it-- resulting in dysentery-- has ruined my life.

And that fuckin catch….

If I didn’t reverse-jinx the Mets and ditch my tickets last nite, I wouldn’t be going tonite!
—I’m a grown man w/ a full time job, a g/f, and two cats—but if the Mets lose tonite my life will be worth nothing: so, if and when they loose, I will be storming the field, scalping Spiezo, and setting fire to the whole bloody place….

Fortunately for us nostalgic and suicidal Met fans, when Preston Wilson (Mookie Jr.) smashed a double up the alley that gave the Cards the lead for good last night, the fucktards at Fox didn’t show Mookie and his beautiful wife jumping for joy in the stands of Bush stadium (or maybe they did but my tears had momentarily rendered me blind). Mookie. After all we’ve been through together, why? How could you? Anyway, I had tickets to tonite’s ensuing travesty—field level, no less-- but after Duncan hit the dinger, I quickly contacted some masochistic Met fans I know and cashed out. Put it in the books, mark my words, blah blah blah: The Mets don’t stand a chance tonite. The reigning Cy Young Award winner vs. the throw-in in the Anna Benson trade? If I were a betting man, and I am, I’d lay it all on Carpenter’s arm, or rather a Maine Meltdown. The Mets are trying to take the NLCS w/ this starting staff: a forty yr old, and three fuckups. Ya gotta grieve….

The Mets sweep the NLDS! What a series! What a day! The Yankees collapse and the Mets steamroll forward. The series highlights: I went to game 1—performed the Kali Kurse in the parking lot—sat in the picnic bleachers— the 9-4-2-2 double play! -- Commander Carlos Delgado goes wild! -- Famous Mets Fans Neil Hagerty contacts us and says,"we are with you mfkrs." The lowlights: staying home and being subject to those bloody announcers—from Steve Lyons and whatshisname publicly demoralizing that brave sight-deprived Mets fan and season ticket holder for 22 years in Game 2, to whatshisname’s apology in Game 3 that ended by him saying, “We hope to see you at the next Mets game.”

LETS GO METS!

According to the Daily News, Bud Harrelson's son is tied to the cover up of a gruesome slaying-- by Samuri sword. Buddy's son's buddy, Zachary Gibian, tried to cut the head off his step-father, a retired cop:

"On the day of the savage killing, retired Manhattan cop Scott Nager, 51, was asleep on his living room sofa in his Hauppauge, L.I., house when Gibian allegedly crept up behind him with a samurai sword. Gibian cocked the sharp sword and swung it into his stepfather's neck, according to prosecutor John Scott Prudenti. 'The victim was able to right himself, and then, in a flash, [Gibian] swings the sword again, with a force so great that he nearly decapitates the victim."

And the bidding war is over. As reported by deadspin , MLB auctioned off Darryl Strawberry to appear at your school. The bidding started at 250, and after a week and 15 bids, Straw's time was sold for a mere $1030.00

The Mets are the 2006 NL East Champs!

Famous Mets Fan Neil Hagerty will be performing Tonight at The Mercury Lounge. Go. Get Drunk. The Mets will be off. Celebrate. Magic Number is 2.

Famous Mets fan Matthew Broderick broke his collar bone after falling off a horse while on vacation in Ireland

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The Mets sent Lastings Milledge back down to Norfolk. What can I say? I'm gonna start a riot if Lastings doesn't make the post season roster-- the boy's got pizzazz! So for the time being, me and ya'll can keep up w/ Lastings via his MySpace account.

x  Milledge myspace

Why does a multi-millionaire mack a horrifying cluster of pigmented cells the size of a grapefruit? MetsMole, believing Beltran to be a cheap bastard, is raising money to front the cost of removing the beast- What? Leave it be! It's good luck?

Note: In 1987, with two MVPs under his belt, Dale Murphy hit .295 w/ 44 home runs and 105 RBIs. The following offseason, Murphy had his vile facial imperfection removed.... 1998, sans Murph's mole: .226,24 dingers, and 77 RBIs. And that was the end of Murph....

Krista Guterman, the 19 yr old young lady who bedded Paul Lo Duca, was featured in the Post yesterday. Guterman, now an ex-SUNY Oneonta student, who worked partime at Lord & Taylors, who babysits whenever she can, had pictures of her and Lo Duca on her MySpace page-- which all of a sudden has disappeared into the internet ether.

x  read all about it
x  internet ether -- flash foward --she's back, but set to private of course... so far her two headlines: "on vacation until the end of august" and now, as of the day before september, "carpe diem"
   

The New York Post tells us that Lo Duca's wife has filed for divorce. Paulie, it seems, has commited adultry (the road gets lonely). The court papers ask the judge to forbid Lo Duca from , "consuming alcohol within the 24 hours before or during the period of possession of or access to the child."

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Latest on Duaner's ill-fated cab ride: he was going for a late nite snack w/ family; someone said Duaner said another car was coming down the wrong way of the highway. Mets officals expect no arrests. Sanchez underwent surgery and will be out for the year...

Duaner Sanchez dislocates arm in a taxi accident late last nite-- do'h! now Mets need releif help-- time is ticking... less than 20 minutes till deadline.....

read all about it

check it out

This is a work of genius : A recreation of the bottom of the 10th inning of game 6-- Scully's call w/ video by Nintendo's RBI. check it out!

Superhero Tsuyoshi Shinjo

check him out

Mets trade incompetent Kaz for Eli Marrero

all MLB players were asked: who is the most overrated player in the majors? carlos beltran came in second, sandwiched between derek jeter and alex rodriquez

Starring Michael Keaton (Batman) as a Red Sox fan -- written by Don Delillo -- in theatres next month.

the mets sign jose lima?

Omar traded Seo for Sanchez and Schmoll.... faith in Omar

Justice in Miami! Sid's back to work for WAXY Miami radio. He co-hosts a show with O.J. McDuffie. Go Sid go

The Mets get Lo Duca to replace Piazza

The Mets sign Wagner! Fuck off already Looper!!! You may have been worse than Benetiz

Omar traded Jacobs, Petit, and some other minor leaguer for Carlos!

Standing 6'7, weighing 230 lbs., the Mets drafted right hand pitcher Mike Pelfrey-- he'll be splitting NL bats in no time!